Sunday, September 15, 2013

Stop Thief!

If you're going to rob people's homes, make sure you don't rob a Satanist, or you just might get CURSED! We're sending out an entire LEGION of demons to get whoever robbed this guy! Hail Satan!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

He's just kidding. He hopes we die.

Death threats are so adorable when they come from christians, aren't they? Spoiler alert: everyone dies at the end. Enjoy life while it lasts, and never stop sinning! Hail Satan!

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Billy: You are CURSED!

This guy sounds like a real A-Hole. Please send a photo of him to so we can work on a more effective hex. Hail SATAN!

Thursday, May 23, 2013


This girl needs more than prayers. Whoever left this, your situation sounds very desperate, but there is real help available. Call planned parenthood immediately. Someone there will talk to you and tell you what your options are. Their website is and their toll free number is 1-800-230-7526. CALL THEM NOW!

We'll still pray for you that your situation works out to your advantage, but you can't just sit and wait for Satan or God or anyone else to solve your problems for you. You need to do something too. Call planned parenthood now, and if they can't help, ask them who can. Keep following up. It's not hopeless. It's not going to be easy. You're going to have to confront people and have uncomfortable conversations, but that's simply the price we pay to be free. Trust us. It's worth it.

Hail Satan!

Friday, April 19, 2013

Thanks for calling

Your curse will be answered in the order it was received. Dear Satan, please help this caller understand the difference between machines and people. Hail Satan!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Remember that you asked for it

... when you get what you want. We hope you're praying for a job that's depraved and unwholesome, but what Satan wants most is for you to get what you want. Hail Satan!

Monday, February 25, 2013

And now here's the rest of the story

Bradley, consider yourself hexed! Bearded is beautiful!

Do all Satanists have good taste?

We don't have to agree with you, but we'll still pray for you. What did your friend do to deserve to be hexed? Oh, I see you called again! Details at 11...

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

What could possibly go wrong?

Remember, be careful what you wish for, and don't blame Satan if you end up getting what you asked for.